Your soul mate is not worth waiting for
The reason for all the dumbasses you're attracted to - is actually a pretty good reason.
The Fantasy
Everybody dreams of being with their soul mate. I know when I dreamed about having a soulmate. I fantasised the perfect relationship of always feeling in love and happy and there are never any problems. We just fit like a hand in glove and ride off happily into the sunset; hopelessly happy that I have found ‘The One’. My Prince Charming. The perfect person for me.
I know I am not alone.
I realise my unrealistic fantasies have been fortified by Disney movies that I binged on as a child. As I dived deeper into self awareness and awareness of the role of relationships in our lives, I realised my fantasies were half true.
The reason the fantasy remains one
We all crave love. Even the ones who seemingly reject it.
While we are all made for true and unconditional love, we are very likely to have been disconnected from our ability to receive and give unconditional love. I call these emotional wounds ‘blocks’. Blocks occur in all areas of our lives, not just in love, through conditioning. Things people have said to you about yourself, life experiences, cellular programming and even media… there are many sources of the programmed blocks within us.
In addition to blocks, we might never been shown what emotional connection and true love was. Most of us have parents who were tolerating each other at best. Boomers… really well known to be emotional immaturity
Know yourself
One thing you must know about yourself is that you are like a walking computer running on programs. These programs (also known as beliefs) have been put into you by your parents, society, culture, your life experiences (including your time in the womb) and more.
These programs that determine the way we love, work, live, parent and so forth lie in what Freud terms as the unconscious mind. (He’s doomsday about it though. We now know that the unconscious mind can be accessed and programs can be changed.)
For example, if a man has grown up with a mother who relies on him as a child for emotional comfort. Usually a mother that is usually anxious like that is unable to hold space for her child when it comes to the child’s feelings too. (Just a pattern!) He would have learned that he always has to put up a strong front for her. A parentified child is usually unable to express his or her own feelings because he or she has the belief that
He/she needs to be strong to be loved and accepted
His/her feelings do not matter.
So these are his wounds. In some twisted way that is human nature, we ALL tend to attempt the healing of our childhood wounds through our partners. The other scenario is that the child mimics his mother’s behaviour, imposing on his child to take care of his emotional needs.
So say it is scenario 1.
Parentified Man meets an anxious woman and it brings up familiar feelings of his mother. He does not think this by the way. This is unconscious behaviour. He gets the butterflies…(which is actually familiar anxiety for him) He thinks he is in love. There is magnetism,
This is not love, this is what is termed a trauma response. You can read a snippet about how these non life threatening traumas affect future relationships. Instead of affecting relationships however, I say, it affects who you choose to be with in relationships.
The same way abused kids grow up to be magnetised to abusive partners or be abusive. The same way neglected kids grow up to neglect or are magnetised to partners who never choose them. The same way kids without boundaries blur their own lines with their partners. Trauma bonding is a thing…
It is all in the pattern unless the pattern is changed consciously and subconsciously.
The role of magnetism and relationships
The truth is, nobody wants to do inner work. It is often painful to look at yourself and the parts you have rejected. So in order for you to do the work, your higher self and the other souls you have contracts with will often nudge you down the path of pain, only in order to awaken, so you can evolve.
We respond to pain more than we respond to fluid, smooth times.
The euphoria of the magnetism keeps us there and incentivises us to pay attention to how we respond or react in certain ways to our beloveds. Our triggers show us our underlying beliefs that cause us negative feelings. This is all intended so we can focus on healing.
It is only through the removal of these blocks or reprogramming of our subconscious that we can begin to manifest the soulful love we so desire. Without doing the work, the relationship will spiral from intense feelings into a dullness and finally disconnect. The last period would be a countdown to the energetic cycle of your relationship.
So don’t wait for your soul mate
Date anyone you feel attracted to at this moment. Don’t date if you don’t feel like it. Whoever you date is right for you at this moment to teach you the lesson you need to learn. Just waiting for the perfect partner is avoidance of these learnings.
I would like to remind you that a short term relationship is not a failure. These relationships were always meant to be stepping learning stones towards the one you can have a true and clear emotional connection with. I.e. your soul mate. In a way, everyone that have come to hurt you have taken on the karma to teach you these lessons - so on some level, these souls loved you! (Crazy as it sounds.) Gratitude here please!!
Want to live life fully?
Throw yourself into each of these relationships with passion, enjoy the euphoria and releasing any ideas of success/failure or whether your heart will break. You will learn where your blocks to love are and work on the healing. You will survive the heart break.
At some point, the relationship may end because it does take two to tango. One person might decide he would rather continue on his journey alone. The other person might not want to do the inner work. One person might give up. For another, the lesson is in letting go too. That’s what makes getting involved with another individual so risky in feeling. Say goodbye with grace and be grateful for the lessons we would have never otherwise learned.
The good news is, this means he/she is STILL out there for you. The bad news is you will not be attracting him/her until you are both vibrationally matching. So don’t hang on to a relationship that isn’t working. Learn your lessons and draw your soul mate to you.
Your soul mate is probably near you.
Your soul mate matches with you vibrationally IN LOVE and trauma resolution because life is one whole soul journey. Your soul mate could be right in front of you for years and years and you would not have recognised each other because your blocks distorts your frequencies (or vibes as they call it). In any case, your soul mate is already drawn to your surroundings every now and then just waiting for you to be energetically ready. (and vice versa)
If you are magnetised to a person who decides to go on the journey too … for you and for him/herself. This IS devotion. When you find this person whom you are equally devoted to, I don’t have to tell you not to let this person go. You cannot bear to and you would not. You will be growing together in sync. This kind of relationship just reaps in emotional reward and satisfaction.
If so, you’re one of the very few who would have managed to do enough work within, to attract such a relationship and person. You’ll be having emotional intimacy and connection and its likely the sex is going to rock. Congratulations! This is one of the biggest achievements in life to me.
Disclaimer: I am also saying that there will never be a problem free relationship. Soul mate relationships are notoriously intense and yet harmonious at the same time. Its dichotomous I know.
About Lorraine
I am an experienced and experiencing subconscious-led therapist. I believe that life should be lived on your terms and you have the highest wisdom of what to do. My job is to facilitate your connection to this part of you (which lies in the subconscious) and to help ask the right questions to have the insights, guidance you want.
